These guidelines are also applicable to home situations, especially when families get together.    

a) Calmly, acknowledge the child’s feelings underlying the misbehaviour. Set a limit on the unacceptable behaviour.  

b)   Put your hands on the child’s shoulders and gently move your hands down their arms. Do not take the child by the hand or pull the child as this will make the child resist.  

c)  Get the child to sit next to you. Gently stroke the child’s leg and/or put your arm around the child.  

d) If the child continues to misbehave, the assistant teacher can take the child out of the classroom. The teachers need to practice self-control and be aware of their attitude. Do not shout at the child in an angry voice. Do not use the time out of the classroom as punishment.  

e) After the child has calmed down, help the child  return to the classroom and/or group of children. It is difficult to return to the class after you have been sent out. The child may feel insecure, dismissed,embarrassed when he/she returns to the classroom. Try to genuinely welcome the child back. Let go of your anger. Do not punish the child again. Do not force the child to say sorry to the other child/ren at this stage.  

We can use the following steps in helping children control their behaviour 

We make use of the E.C.A. (Empathy, Content and Action) Assertiveness skill and tell the child what we EXPECT of him/her when he/she is breaking a rule. 

For example, “Michael, I understand you are enjoying yourself throwing the sand (EMPATHY). But it will go into Nosipho’s eyes (CONTENT). So please stop throwing the sand (ACTION). Why not try to build a sand-castle instead (re-direct)”. 

We REMOVE the child who continues to break the rule. For example, I take Michael from the sand and sit him beside me. “You sit beside me until you can tell me that you will play with the sand without throwing it.”  

We WAIT for the child to tell us he/she is ready, or we ask him/her after a while. Remember five minutes is a long time to a young child. Wait for as many minutes as the child’s age. 

We HELP him/her return by making sure he/she can now play without breaking the rule, and we DESCRIPTIVELY PRAISE  him/her by describing with appreciation what we see and feel. For example “That’s good, I can see you are not throwing sand. I am so pleased to see you are working hard at digging the hole.”

If two children fight, put your arms around both of them. Say what you see has happened, without anger, and without blaming and shaming. Listen to both of them. Ask if they would like to give each other a hug. Giving a hug may be easier and would bring reconciliation between the two. Help distract the children and get them involved with another activity/ies so that they do not return to the same misbehaviour. Observe the children afterwards. Children need our love the most when they seem to deserve it the least.  

We need to be careful of manipulating children’s feelings and orchestrating sincerity, when we force children to apologise. We cannot force feelings; only the child knows how he/she feels. Doing this can teach children to fake apologies, or that is OK to be insincere, or that forgiveness has to be and  instant thing, which is not real life. Depending on the ages of the children, their temperaments, the circumstances, and the emotions that may be high, a cooling-off period before an apology will be needed. 

Teachers and parents can model apologising when they have acted wrongly towards children. We can start when children are young. We need to teach that forgiveness follows apologies (Sears & Sears, 1995).        

Remember, when you punish one you punish all. The “good” child sees how you punished the one who misbehaved. This puts fear in this child and he/she will then make sure they do not break the rulesor else they will be punished next time. Children are then not free to be themselves as they fear they will be punished. Be aware of the “good” child. He/she may be “good” out of fear.    

Time out or a thinking chair should not be used for children under the age of three. Children are living in the “now”. The child is not trying to be difficult and not been “naughty”. A young child is seldom wanting to make a teacher or parent cross – he/she is just putting into action his/her needs and feelings and not thinking about the consequences for others. The school and the teachers need to stop thinking about misbehaviour and punishment – and instead start focusing on the positive. These are small children. We should not make them conform too much.   

Teachers also need to always reflect and evaluate their practice and how they carry out activities. For example, the news ring may be too long and as a result some children may become restless and begin to misbehave. The teacher may need to change her method and divide the group of children into two so that there are fewer children in a group. The teacher and the assistant teacher can then each lead a group. The time spent sitting will be shortened and may help some children to focus more.  

1. “Time-in” time. Kurkina in her book “Raising your spirited child” talks about setting up a safe place and time for the child to be able to take a break and regain control after they experienced strong feelings or misbehaved. This is similar to the basket ball time-out. Let’s call it “time-in” time, a soothing and calming time. It is an invitation to children to take a break and regain control. and an opportunity to refresh the body and pull the game plan back together. Start by reminding the child of the cues their bodies send them: messages that say, “I’m tired,” “I’m angry” or “I’m getting overwhelmed”. Help them recognise that their body is tightening, or the sensation of blood running through their veins, or a red hot feeling  in their stomach, are signals that they need to call for a time to take a break. If we have taught them that this  “time-in” is an opportunity to pull out of the action to rest and relax rather than a punishment to endure, they will feel comfortable taking a break. Taking a break means finding a quiet comfortable spot. At first the teacher will have to gently help them find their spot. Speak softly to them, help them hear and feel the quiet, sense the anger or frustration draining from their bodies.  

Children need to be taught what a relaxed body feels like inside. They need to understand that a “time-in” is not over until that senses of peacefulness fills their body. We cannot send a young child alone to the “time-in” place. The teacher will have to go with them, talk softly, rub their back if they like it, be available, and stay with them until that rosy, good feeling is inside of their bodies. Only then is it time to move back to the rest of the group.  

After a while, the child will not need you anymore, or for shorter periods of time only. In order for the teacher to keep themselves calm, she can call for “time-in” time before the tempers flare. If children become comfortable with “time-in” as they become older, they will use them and will be successful in  managing their strong emotions.  When children understand their intensity, and recognise that they can control and channel it into physical, creative, and other appropriate channels, they will feel good about themselves. The number of full-blown outbursts will diminish drastically. This is “preventative discipline”. It teaches children the right way to behave and stops the battles before they ever start.  

Create a hide-away for the child in the classroom.     For example, a section with soft cushions on the floor, a tent-like structure, make very big pillows  that are very soft and giving (twice the size of  a continental pillows filled with foam chips). (Kurkinka, 1991)   

2. Rewarding systems are NOT appropriate for a classroom situation as it could lead to competition and comparisons. The problem with rewarding and charts is that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.  

A class star tree or an apple tree could be an alternative. Paint a large tree on large cardboard. Place the children’s names or symbols all around the chart. The teacher can reward the group for a good morning ring for example. She can then stick a star/apple on the tree. If a child took his time to do his painting, for example, the teacher could Descriptively Praise him/her for the effort he/she put in, and reward him/her by giving him/her an apple/star to place on the tree. The teacher should acknowledge the small things children do. Individual and group’s behaviour can be acknowledged and rewarded in this way. At the end of the day, the teacher can draw the children’s attention to the many stars/apples on the tree and Descriptively Praise them for it.